Been Missing . . .

I hate to admit it but it was kind of nice not blogging for a week.

Believe me. I love reading every one's blogs and even finding new blogs to read.

But this week I spent tons of time with Will at the park, taking walks and of course digging in the dirt. Because that's what moms of boys do.

I also have been reading lots of books during Will's nap times so, blog reading was pushed to the sideline.

Last Saturday Will and I spent the day with my sister and her family, which was really nice. We visited my mom's grave and put out some gorgeous flowers for her.

Then we decided to go down memory lane and went to the house we grew up in. The house looks so small! It was actually for sale and insanely over priced, but it was definitely cool to see it.

We then had a Mexican fiesta and some coronas to top off the day. It was nice to get the day over with but to also celebrate my mom's life.

This past Tuesday seemed to be the hardest for me only because that would have been the day we buried my mom.

People say it gets easier with time. Well. It doesn't. It is never easy. Every time I see a woman my age with her mom, I tear up. Every time I see a grandma with her grand babies, I tear up.

So people. It does not get easier with time. It just doesn't.

Yep. He licked the spoon and maybe had a couple of more spoonfuls. Because I am that kind of mom and so was my mom.

For You Mom . . .

When I laid there beside you, could you feel me there?
My arms were wrapped around you, and I was stroking your hair.

I was talking about all the good times, for me they were every single day.
I wanted you to feel love and comfort, and happy in some way.

I watched your every breath, and prayed that each one wasn't your last.
The time we got to share together, went by too quick...too fast.

I wanted you to wake up, please Mom...open your eyes.
Tell me this is a nightmare, and not our goodbyes.

As your last breath grew closer, we lay there peacefully together.
My heart continually breaking, because I wanted you forever.

Then there it was, your final breath of air.
I didn't want to believe it, this is so cruel and not fair.

I held your beautiful face, and prayed you'd breathe again.
I wasn't ready for you to go, I couldn't admit that this was the end.

But then I realized that you were now in peace, and not suffering anymore.
You were beginning the life of an Angel, and your body would no longer be sore.

I held you close and squeezed you tight, and tried to say goodbye.
I've lost my Mom and my best friend, and all I could do was cry.

I slowly got up, I wanted so much to stay.
I leaned over and gave you one more kiss, it was so hard to walk away.

Mom you are my entire world, and I miss you so very much.
I wish I could feel your lovable cuddle, and your soft and gentle touch.

But for now I have to wait, until we meet again. You will always be in my heart and thoughts, my dear Mom and best friend.


Always and Forever, our hearts will always touch.
Always and Forever, your baby girl loves you so much.

absent . . .

You might have noticed that I have not been around much.

Maybe because it is summer.

Maybe because my two year old has been keeping me busy. (definitely not this one!)

July is a hard month for me.

July 1 hits and I become a zombie in my own body.

July 24th, 2001 my mom passed away.

I talk about her a lot on here because she was not only my mom but also my best friend.

July is a hard month for me.

I can always feel the sadness and sorrow kick in.

Don't get me wrong. There are some happy times in July.

But usually my heart and my mind are telling me she is not here.

So I have been absent from visiting blogs and writing on my own blog.

When you lose someone who is your world, your glue, you just feel empty. There really is no other way to explain it.

I cry at everything.

Last night I cried in the shower just because.

I cry because I miss her.