My Babies!

Eli looking so....cute in his golfer's hat!

Maybe next year...

Getting some fresh air in this mild winter we have been having!

Will sporting his new haircut, not by choice.  We are growing it out again.  Also, wearing his new Car robe from his auntie!

Valentine's Day...such cuties!

Will, very unhappy at his 4 year check up that consisted of 4 shots!  UGH...

Love....matching pj's from the Gap!  They have the best stuff for boys.

Will starting swim class this past week.  He loves it!  My little fish.

This pic is so funny.  Will really didn't want his picture taken and Eli is looking kind of unhappy.

I am going to try and get better about taking more photos and posting more than once a week.  Life with my boys is full to the max but I love it.  

Happy Monday friends.

Bits and Pieces . . .

Eli...

• You are changing daily.
• From 1 month to 2 months you were an amazing sleeper.
• Now, not so much.  Although, you do sleep through the night according to what sleeping through the night is for babies.  A 5 hour stretch.  Now if only I could get myself to stop reading and go to sleep at 8:00 when you do.  Then I would not feel sleep deprived.
• Last night you slept in your crib for the first time.  8:00-1:45.  You usually go from 8 tell about 3.  I have to remember the small achievements we make.  Like, holy cow, you slept in your crib!  You take naps in your swing which I know I need to break you of but, that is when you get the best sleep during the day.
• You rolled over from back to tummy on February 4th and totally made me cry!
• You have the best personality.  A little laid back and very happy.  Kind of like your ultrasound picture.
• You can grab on to toys but get frustrated when you can't let it go.
• You love white noise and have taken to Coldplay, it makes mommy tired too!
• You know who your mommy is.  Which I love.  If I am holding you and I put you down you will cry to be held again.  Not always the best for me to pick you back up, but I can't resist you.

Will...

• My biggest boy.  You are total sweetness and always make me smile lately.
• You are quite the talker and have lots of questions lately.
• You are so close to writing your own name.  This has been hard for us because Will is not really into drawing or doing crafts.  Getting him to sit down and practice learning things can sometimes be a challenge but I am so happy that he is turning the corner.
• You use a lot of big words and surprise me and daddy all the time.  
• You are so good at doing puzzles and putting Lego's together.  You have an engineering mind like your grandpa.
• You love school and when I pick you up, you always say you wanted to stay longer.  I hope you feel that way in a couple of years!
• You miss your Ella Bella and I am sorry that you don't quite understand where she is.  You keep asking if she can come back but when I tell you she is with your grandparents you get a bit upset.  It brings me to tears to hear you cry about missing her.  She was such a special part of our lives.  I know one day we will have another puppy and she will hold a place in our hearts as well.
• My biggest, you mean the world to me and taught me how to be a mommy.  Thanks for always loving me no matter what, you have a special place in my heart.

I love you both, always more than air.

Ella Bella . . .

My Dear Ella Bella,

We miss you so much already and you have only been gone a day.  Bone cancer took you away from us and its just no fair.  Cancer is awful what it does to people but it is equally bad what it does to your fur baby.

Ella was born in Texas on February 24, 2004.  Daddy got you when he was TDY in for the Air Force.  I remember when he called me and said, "I just saw a sign for AKC Rottweilers, should I go check them out?"  I  told him definitely and later that day I opened up an email with a picture of you.  The cutest of all, the "runt" of your litter and the only girl left.  Daddy wasn't aloud to take you into the hotel he was at but because he was in the military, they let him.  You slept with him in his bed and you went with Daddy on his top secret missions.  You were such a lucky girl from the beginning tell the very end.

You were the easiest puppy to train and loved playing outside, as well as just relaxing in the sunshine.

You saw us through many trials and tribulations.  Although, those were always out weighed by the amazing times spent snuggling and loving on you.

When I got pregnant with Will, you became a little protector.  You slept on my side of the bed for most of my pregnancy even though it was a tight fit.  You snuggled up in the corner.  You would go from Daddy to me and get your nightly "rubbings" and then you would be completely content.

You took to Will with such care and loved him from the start.  You peered in his bassinet and often lay next to where he was.  When he began to crawl you were there with him.  Often resting your head on his back when he was taking a break.  You two were instantly best friends.  Everyone told us we should watch out with you being a rottie.  But, you a "momma bear" from the beginning.  Always protecting your family from day one tell the end.

When I got pregnant with Eli, again you slept on my side of the bed.  Resting your sweet face next to my pillow for a pet.  How could anyone resist your face?  You were and are the sweetest dog we have ever met.  You seemed to be more protective this time around, I think you felt your job was to constantly protect us.  Such an amazing quality that we loved in our baby girl.  When Eli came home and I sat on the couch, you were right at my feet checking him out.  I am so glad that you were able to meet your baby brother.

Little did we know that the cancer was attacking your sweetness.

I am so happy that we got to spend one more Christmas with you and that you were able to see Will really enjoy it this year.  You got a big bone that you devoured in typical Ella fashion.

The cancer took you quickly, as much as we tried to hold on, we knew it wouldn't be long.  We were in denial that you would ever have to leave us.

I decided to move your birthday up from February 24 to February 10.  I made you a doggie cake of   peanut butter and carrots.  It actually was quite good and you had two huge slices on the 10th and I gave you a slice right before we had to go to the vet.

Daddy had to say his goodbyes to you at the house because it was just too much.  Will gave you a big hug but really didn't understand.  The two momma bears were off on our last car ride.  I am so glad that I got to be the one to be with you in those final moments.  

No more pain is what I told you.  And thank you for always watching over me and being my protector.  I was lucky enough to get kisses from you right before you went to sleep.  I'm sure my mom and Lew's dad were waiting for you.  Thanking you for completing their families because you did.

Love and miss you more than air Ella.  You were the bestest.

Boy oh Boy!

Life with my boys can be challenging, times when you can't wait for bed time, and then there are times like this....  My two smiling boys!  And who said boys can't be stylish?!

The month of January cannot be over soon enough!  The beginning tell almost the 24th has been filled with puke, snot, tons of tissues, and loads of disgusting diapers!  But, one thing great this month...My Bubsy turned 4 and and my Squirmy turned 3 months!  They are both reaching so many different milestones and surprising me everyday.

Will has become the social butterfly of his class.  He is very articulate.  Kinda stubborn at times.  Still loving trains.  Has a superb memory!  Tells the funniest stories.  Loves going to school.  Is very independent.  Knows how to work the computer...sometimes a good thing and a bad thing.  He is still my sweet boy and surprises me with loving words all the time.  Can't believe he is four!

My little baby Eli.  This pneumonia really screwed up his sleeping schedule.  He was on a roll.  Napping great.  It might have been in his swing but he was doing amazing.  Falling asleep with me rocking him at night around 8:30 and sleeping tell 5:00.  It was amazing!  But, since he was so sick and up coughing at night, his little body is having a hard time re-adjusting.  I am currently reading, Healthy Baby, Happy Baby.  Which focuses on their sleeping patterns and getting them on a schedule.  I am hoping that by next week, I can get him in his crib and getting him to fall asleep without me rocking.  I do love snuggling with him but, he has to learn eventually.  We feberized Will around 4 months to get him into his crib, and by day 3 he was falling asleep on his own and sleeping through the night.  This book has the same approach but goes a bit more into detail.  Onto milestones for my little guy.  He is almost rolling over.  He loves his daddy, so much!  He knows who Mommy and Daddy are.  Giggles when we fly him in the air.  Loves playing under his little jungle gym and is definitely showing interest in some of his toys.  Hates hats!!  Loves to fall asleep to white noise or   Adele on Pandora.  Growing out of a lot of the 3 month clothing!  I am going to have to go shopping because Will's next set of clothing was spring/summer.  So we might have some issues fitting into things.  I am totally okay with that because the Baby Gap has some seriously cute things on sale right now!

I am hoping to get a new design for the blog.  The jungle theme, kinda got old.  As much as I love the scrapbook look, I am going to change as the blogging world changes.  Simple and unique is what I am looking for.  If you have any ideas, I would love to hear them!

m i a . . .

We have been a bit absent on account of strep, pneumonia for both boys and then mommy went down for the count at the end of it all. But, somehow I managed to pull off Will's 4th birthday party, make cupcakes and a cake!

Here are the cupcakes that I made for his class...thank you pinterest! I am totally hooked!

I am hoping to write Willsy's 4th birthday letter later this week. But, I wanted you to know that we are still here. It's just been a sick January!

Here's to a healthy new start to the year!

Firsts . . .

Your first snow happened on January 9, 2012. Uncle Kev's Birthday. It was kind of a surprise because we were suppost to get rain. As we left the house, I told Will..."Wow, where did this all come from?" He said..."Mom, it came from the clouds." Love him.

It wasn't a "play" snow although your brother did get out his diggers and started plowing snow.

As we walked outside, the snow gently kissed your face and you blinked those big blue eyes. Will spun around catching snowflakes on his tongue. Suddenly this moment froze in my head. I am so lucky to have been apart of this first, to look into your eyes of wonder. Watch your brother spin around in slow motion, soaking up the first snow of the season.

I am blessed to be your mom. Sometimes in the bad moments, I forget that. And I am sorry. I am so lucky that I get to be with you and Will daily. You definitely are the reason for my smiles and I can't wait for all the firsts with my boys.

I love you Eli, more than air. I love you Will, more than air.

Finding me . . .

If you are like me and sometimes hold things in tell your heart is ready to burst, then this is a meme you should participate in. Shell is an amazing blogger and you could totally tell she would be an wonderful friend.

The original post I wrote, was just deleted by my fast and furious typing on our new lap top. I still haven't figured out what button I pushed but all my precious words are gone! Maybe, I should pour my heart out about that.

So, I am going to give the short version of it all and try and not get too wordy.

My mom died of Lung Cancer when I was 21. Before you say, "Did she smoke?" I will tell you, she did. So, perhaps this cancer came on because she was a smoker. Sorry, I get really defensive about it because it's my mom we are talking about. There are plenty of people who have gotten lung cancer, didn't smoke, smoked along time ago, or just gave it up.

Anyway, I became her caregiver at the age of 21. I had moved up to Connecticut from Virginia where I was attending George Mason. But, a bad break up lead me running to the open arms of my mom. I am the baby after all. She nutured me and held me and told me everything would be okay.

A couple months later she was diagnosed and I became her full time caregiver. My older siblings were in VA. My dad traveled pretty much every week for his job. So it was us. I did everything that involves taking care of a cancer patient. Even during her darkest hours of night sweats, wretching over a toliet, I didn't want to be anywhere else. I didn't want anyone else taking care of her. I get my nuturing spirit from her.

After the cancer took over her frail body. Her breathing slowed, and she became weak. We knew something was going to happen but being the Momma Bear that she is, she never let us believe it would take her.

I had a lot of growing up during that time. It was precious time that I am so glad I had. She helped me find a passion for fitness and taking care of others. So, I will never forget that. She helped mold me even after she was gone.

I did attempt to go back to school, finished a couple semesters but I really dove head first into my work as a Personal Trainer and became quite successful. Before the boys, I was managing a gym, teaching tons of classes and had an amazing Personal Training career.

Four years later, I am doing In Home Personal Training, which I do love. But, sometimes I miss going to the gym and being around adults for 8-10 hours at a time. I feel like I have lost my mojo, if you can understand that. Don't get me wrong, I am lucky that I am able to make my own hours and still be here for my boys. I want them to have what I had growing up, which is a mom who loved and cared so much. Who was at school functions, who laid on the couch with you and ate popcorn. Who scratched your arm, just because. I am so very thankful for my clients that I have. Not only are they my clients but I do consider them friends as well. I recently lost two clients. Primarily because they were not using their gym memberships that they were paying for. But, it still hurt. It had me re-evaluating why I was doing what I was doing.

It gave me clarity and re-focus which is good. I now know that I am going to finish my degree in Exercise Science, not only for me, but for my mom who believed in me all those years ago. I am going to take some yoga classes. I am also going to take a cake decorating class.

All, because this is the year of finding me again.