Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Pour Your Heart Out . . . This Mommy Gig

I am linking up with Shell this week at Things I Can't Say because...well sometimes you just need to pour your heart out. If you feel the same, go on over and link up.

Lately I have been wondering about this whole mommy gig. Yeah. You heard me right. Sometimes I question the whole...should I have gone back to work? I mean I truly have the best job. I am a Personal Trainer that makes up her own hours so that she can be with her son. That is the way I would want it to be. I am totally lucky.

But then there are those times when I wish I could be with the working force. Go back to managing and training in a gym. I really do miss chatting and working with my peers. Taking classes whenever I wanted. But then I am working for someone else and not myself. I like working for myself. I feel like I have a more personal relationship with all my clients.

When I see people leave in the morning to go to work, sometimes I wonder where they are going and can they take me with them. Is that horrible? I feel guilty even writing that.

I kinda think I might be feeling this way because Will is going through some transitions as you all know and really testing my mothering skills. Both my sisters have been otherwise occupied and trying to talk to them about all this has been impossible. But I am glad that I have the bloggy world because then I would feel truly lonely watching everyone in my neighborhood go to work.

The other thing is Will and I go out and about all the time and there are some kids his age in our neighborhood but they live on the other side of it and every time I have said hi to those mothers they really don't respond to me.

I guess I am kinda feeling left out in this mommy gig.

Thanks for listening.

18 comments:

Angie said...

Not strange at all! I only work outside the house 2 days a week and don't think I would have gotten this far sanely without that.

I like the interaction with adults and having time to be ME - instead of MOMMY!!! -once in a while.

The Mommyologist said...

Sometimes it is just so hard to find a good balance as a mom! I struggled with the same thing for so long and until I really got into blogging I totally craved adult interaction. It is important to remember that even though you are a parent, you are also an individual!!

Di said...

Have you thought about checking with a gymnastics school or something like that to see if you could over classes to the parents or train the kids? They will usually barter with you so your little one could do preschool classes for free too!

Life Without Pink said...

I struggle with this too! IT is so easy to feel like you lose yourself. I use to work until I was laid off with my second. And I enjoy being home. It is just a lot of work! I am being forced to go back into the workforce {trying to find a flex job} and I am having such a struggle with this. I think as mothers it is always hard to find the right balance and no matter what you do we will always have guilt!

Shell said...

I think we all wonder- whether we work or stay home- if we should have taken the other choice. I feel that way sometimes, too. Especially if it has been a rough day with the kids.

Thanks for linking up!

MommyLovesStilettos said...

We all feel like that here and there. *HUGS*

Steph said...

Like everyone before me in comments...you are not alone.

I totally agree that one of the best things I learned was that in order to be the best mom, I had to ensure that I was happy or I couldn't make my son happy. It's a balance, but adult time is crucial.

Thanks for sharing.

xoxox

Krystyn said...

Sorry the other mommies are mean to you. That's not cool.

Maybe you can find a way to interact a little more with those people and have a little more adult time. Either way, it's a huge challenge to really find that balance.

Kim - In Search of Me in Mommy said...

I'll make you a deal...you be my personal trainer and kick my butt and I'll pay for a babysitter for both of our children. Then we could both have a break from our children and we could do something we like...errrr, you could do something you like, and I could grin and bear the workout, while relishing my time without the stinkers.
I would SOOOOO do that, but I am guessing that you don't live near me...Ohio? Cleveland area?
I so get you where you are coming from - especially wanting them to take you with them. That mom guilt sucks.
On another thought - what about starting a playground workout club. My friend and I have done workouts at the playground - and having someone who knew what they were doing would've been so helpful - I bet people would pay for that. Ok...I done. Thanks for sharing!

Stacey said...

I worked full time until this past September. I struggled with being away from them so much. I do sometimes wonder if I should go back to work now, but then again the benefits of me being home are outweighing everything else at the moment. ((HUGS))

bbcd mama said...

I completely understand! Moms who go back to work (outside of the home) don't "get" what it's like to be in the house all day, with no one else to talk to other than the baby. It's something that's hard to put into words, but I totally know what you mean.

Tylaine said...

Totally get the feeling like you don't fit in thing! It's hard to be a SAHM. When I left work to stay at home I missed it. I certainly wouldn't trade staying at home for anything but there are times I sure do miss it.
Thanks for stopping by my blog!

Laurel said...

My last job ended in May of 2009 and I miss the interaction with my coworkers so, so much! I'm a freelance writer now, which is great because I can do or go wherever I please and still make money, but I don't have the social connections I used to. I was explaining to a friend today that I want a job I go into, and he didn't understand why--because he sees people every day at his job and doesn't quite get how isolating working for yourself can be!

amanda said...

this mommy gig is so hard. period. always questioning your choices? totally get it.

Lindsay said...

I am with Angie.. I def. like my time away from the house! I hope you can find some mommy friends that are nice IRL! :(

Jenn said...

I'm sorry that you are going through a tough time! I myself am not a mom yet, but I do know (or at least believe at this point) for me to be the best version of myself I might need to have a little more adult conversation. But I'm sure I'll see when the time comes!! You need me time every once in a while, and there is nothing wrong with that!

Candra said...

Hi, I found your blog through a friend and I really enjoyed and appreciated your honesty with this post. I have 3 kids and I run a pre-professional dance company and I have just applied for grad school....yikes. I feel the same way about my job, I love it and its my passion! I understand your desire to get out and be part of the "adult" world. That's what drove me back to school. I started to feel like I was giving birth to brain cells along with my 3 babes ;-) I just started a blog a few days ago, I hope to make connections with moms out there and our daily lives. I'm at iknowthismuchistrue-candra.blogspot, hope you have a wonderful day!

Helene said...

Oh trust me, I know what you mean. There are days I wonder if maybe I'm doing a disservice to my kids by staying home with my them instead of working outside our home. There are just days where I lack serious patience.

If you haven't found a mommy group that you're comfy with, have you considered looking for a group on meetup.com? That's where I found one of the mommy groups I belong to. It's definitely nice to have those playdates to look forward to!