Monday, December 20, 2010

She is . . . I'm not.

Not to be a debbie downer on this last Monday before Christmas but I am going to be one for a little bit.

Just talked to my sister in law yesterday and she is pregnant. For the 6th time. Did I mention that she had her tubes tied after her 5th child? Yep.

Don't get me wrong, totally happy for her, who wouldn't be. Obviously, God wanted her to be a mom of one more child.

But it just makes me wonder, why not us? Don't we deserve another gift from God?

The sad thing to me with this news is that, Lew actually seemed a bit sad. Like, why does she need another kid, when all we want is just one more? He doesn't think she should be having another child but evidently God has other plans for her. She is blessed.

I thought this would be the month for some reason. But over the weekend I could feel all the signs of my period coming on. We all know them. It hasn't come yet but it is supposed to arrive on Christmas. Great. Not the particular gift that I was looking for. I try to think back when I got pregnant with Will but I really can't remember having any pregnancy signs. Maybe I was too busy working 10 hour days to notice.

Thanks for hearing me out. Glad my sister in law doesn't read this because I would feel really bad.


Audrey said...

How long have you been trying for #2? Does your SIL know you've been trying? I ask because I'm on the other side of this scenario. My best friend has been trying for some time to have her first child and has not been successful yet. We actually started "trying" around the same time hoping we'd have kids the same age range, I just had my daughter two months ago. It's incredibly hard being the person having babies easily and watching someone you love struggle for the same. I totally understand your frustration and even the tiny bit of resentment Lew feels. I just thought it might ease that a little to know that perhaps she is feeling a bit like I have been regarding my friend.

I also have another friend who tried for nearly a year to get pregnant with #2 and WHAM...she's just found out she's having twins. So while I may not wish twins on you (or maybe I do if you're like me and love the idea of them) I hope that you get your Christmas wish in the new year. :)

Anonymous said...

ooo ((((HUGS)))) Sorry honey!

Shell said...

Oh, honey. How hard it must have been to hear that news.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Natalie said...

I KNOW this feeling. I KNOW this guilt. I KNOW trying sucks.

You'll be in my prayers...and just keep sharing. It will help you feel a little better (and a lot less guilty about the negative feelings, I promise)

amanda said...

sorry friend. this is never an easy situation...

thinking of you!

Patrice said...

So sorry that you are hurting. At such a happy time of the year, I hate that you are hurting.
I will pray for you and your family and hope your Christmas wish comes true! :)

KLZ said...

I know this is so hard. I'm sorry you're going through it. Hoping and praying for your little family to gets its wish.

Brandi said...

GAH! Sorry. :( That's tough. My SIL and I have sort-of played baby tag over the years.

I had Bubba, then when I was trying for a 2nd, she announced she was pregnant. I finally got pregnant, but had an early miscarriage the SAME week she had her baby shower. When I was 6mo. pregnant with Lil' Bub and elated to FINALLY be pregnant again, she announced she was pregnant with her 2nd child. It just went on and on like that... She stopped at 3 though and had her tubes tied. Then I busted out with a 4th. I know it ate her up, too. LOL! Sorry, I know that's SO immature.

Hang in there, girlie.

Krystyn said...

Honey, so very sorry. I know that sucks. Sucks big time!

My SIL is three weeks later than when I was supposed to be due. Every time I think about it, it hurts. And, believe me, very many not nice thoughts come to mind.

Thinking of you and praying for you guys.