Thursday, June 9, 2011

but it was only a dream . . .

I fell asleep that night having a very heavy heart, missing my mama. Being pregnant with my second baby, all I have ever wanted was my mom close to me, telling me you are doing a wonderful job. But she's not here.

My pregnancies, for me can sometimes be lonely and a longing for my mom to be here. And that's just not possible for me. She was taken to Heaven almost a decade ago.

So that night, is not like any others, where she is on my mind. I had read a blog post about someone having ghostly encounters and wishing that I could have one with my mom. I wouldn't be scared because I would get to see her, just one more time.

.....We were sitting on my living room couch, next to each other. Will was sitting on my lap and we were looking at each other like no time had ever passed. Like she was on some long, extended vacation. She reached out her arms to Will, he looked up at me, then at her and opened his arms to her too. The smile on her face was huge and loving. Tears welled in both our eyes. She held him so close to her, taking him in. Then she finally spoke, and all she said was, "It's wonderful to finally meet you Will, I've missed you so much!"

And then it was over. I got to see her. I hope that it was real, I hope that in Will's sleep that night, he got to meet the grandma that loves him to pieces. Because I know she would.

You never know when you will lose a loved one and it will change your life forever. There will be a hole in your heart forever for that person and it will be okay, one day. But having moments like that, make you believe that they are okay. That they are well and happy. That they are building our house in Heaven and we will all be together one day. Still to this day and everyday I will say, CANCER SUCKS!

*To Patrice and your family, may peace be with you in this time. Anna is now healed.


Bethany said...

Tears! I know how hard it is to have children and not have your parent. I lost my Dad when I was 20 and I still get upset that he will never know my girls. I am thinking of you!! Hugs!

Chelle said...

(((hugs))) Jenny! I am happy that you were able to be with your Mom in your dream. I sometimes think that our dreams really do speak to us in a way we may never understand. xoxo

amanda said...

thinking of you!!