Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Feeling Left Out . . .

When I became a mom I thought for sure it would be easy to make other mom friends, well I have come to the conclusion that it just isn't. I am definitely not the most outgoing person, but I did try and make conversation with other moms when I picked Will up at school. But, it is kind of hard to get to know another mom when you have 5 minutes to talk to them. This year it will be even more unlikely that I will meet other moms, since we will now be in the drop off line.

I thought joning our local pool would be great for Will and myself to meet others and so far it hasn't. Two of his friends go there from school but somehow we never can meet up. I really like one of the mom's but she just told me that her son will be going to a different school in order to work with her schedule. Another bummer.

I see all these moms talking at the pool and wonder how they all know each other. They are all talking and laughing, having a grand old time. Then I see that most of them have older children so they must all go to the same school and probably have known each other for a while. Will has no problem going and playing with other children but sometimes they won't play with them because of their older siblings or they have friends already there.

I feel left out for him. And I feel left out for me.

Sometimes it is lonely being a mom. I wish I had more friends here. But I don't. I grew up in Virginia, my family is there, and friends.

I probably should join a mom's group or something but, juggling training, lew's schedule, and Will. Sometimes it is just not possible. I thought about taking a cake decorating class and hopefully I would be able to meet some new friends.

I am totally having a pity party for myself today. Last night, Lew had to work and I sat on the couch eating chocolate and crying. My Dad was going to go to the beach with us, but now he can't come. I am disappointed about that because he just went with my sister on a last minute vacation in June and we have had this planned and set since April. I feel like she is defnitely his favorite, they are most alike, and he is always over at her house. It just sucks!

It's hard because I know if my mom were here, she would be coming with us on this trip to spend time with me and she would be soaking up Will. She loved her grand babies so much. Again, I feel left out for Will and myself. No parent around and no grandparent. Will has his Nana, but being in Chicago we don't get to see her much. Lew's dad past a year after my mom. Lew and I often feel like the parents that got taken away from us, would be the ones loving on our Will the most. It's just frustrating and disappointing. I told myself, I cannot cry over this anymore because, its on my Dad's conscience and not mine.

Enough of the cry fest, on my part. Will and I are going to make Lew some cookies and surprise him at work. Baking is very therapeutic for me and I need it.


Audrey said...

When I first moved here and gave birth a month later I was horribly depressed. I knew no one. It was lonely sitting in our big new house all alone every day while my husband was at work. But I found out our local library had a play room with special hours for little kids so I started taking him there, even though he was really too little for it. Then someone told me about a parents center that had drop ins and stuff so I went there. I still felt like I was a freshman in high school again, trying to make friends and seem cool and failing miserably. But eventually I made good friends and I'm still finding myself making friends when I go. I recommend looking for story times and play rooms like that in your area. It really helps. There are also generally play groups posted in the Moms Like Me websites for different places. It's worth a look!

Christy said...

We moved to NJ from KY when I was about 20 weeks pregnant. The first year after Porgie was born was very lonely. Honestly, that is why I started blogging. After 5 years of living here, I currently have 3 good mommy friend. No big group - just 3. And in order to make those connections, I basically had to ask them out. After a few encounters, I would give them my name, number, and email address. I felt like a dork doing it, but I had to.

I am not very outgoing either, so I feel your pain. It is hard to make friends with adults - it was so easy when I was a kid!

Brandi said...

Awww, your label 'sad' made me sad. :(

Audrey has a good suggestion about story time at the library. I'm not terribly outgoing either... generally other moms have to make the first move to get me talking. I don't mean to do that - I'm just more of a listener than a talker, I guess.

My parents were a very large part of my older boys' daily lives for about 8 years and then they abruptly moved 13 hours away from us last year. At first they visited every 3 months and now more and more time slips between visits. Honestly, though, I think it ticks me off and upsets me more than it actually upsets the boys. The sad thing is that my parents are missing out on so much. However, my boys aren't really missing them. Ya know? My boys have my husband and I and their siblings and other family and close friends that shower them with love and attention and my parents just become an afterthought. Try not to let it eat at you. Your cutie pie will gravitate toward those that put the effort in and he won't miss the ones that don't.

Callie said...

I am so sorry that you are going through this, and the only comfort I have it that I have gone through the SAME THING countless times. And I know that with each transition I'll have to go through it again. I think you nailed it on the head that 1)it's hard to carry on a conversation when you're watching your kids and 2)when all the kids are all going to school together the moms usually see each other more. That was my experience with my oldest starting school this year, although it was still hard because I had a younger one to look after as well. It's like the conversation skills get put on hold and then I forget how to converse.
I agree that libraries help. I also found some friendly faces at the gym during the morning classes when others drop their kids off.
It's not easy - I have maybe two other moms I can call friends, but just know that you're not the only one going through it (even someone on the other side of Maryland is in the same boat!). :) Be good to yourself and bake away!!!!

Lindsay said...

I am sorry you are feeling so left out! That is hard!! A lot of the friends I have made have been through the moms group I go to during the school year. The nice thing about the one I go to is its always on the 2nd and 4th Thursday of the month.. but you aren't required to go to all of them. You just make a donation to the childcare each time you can go. Its like $2 and totally worth it for the 2 hours of mom time! The group I go to is called MOMS (moms out meeting and sharing). I have heard great things about MOPS as well.. the one in our area meet at night and I didn't want to cut into my family time so I found this other one! (((HUGS))) and chin up!

Shell said...

Oh girl, I've been there.

I had to make myself go out and join in groups. I was uncomfortable and it was awkward, but I eventually found friends.

amanda said...

making friends is so hard. i thought junior high was rough. but mommy friends? it's a whole new ballgame!

hoping the cookies helped tonight :)

Chelle said...

Totally been there honey :(

Sometimes I still feel that way. Now with the baby I feel like a lot. We don't get to do much now with Brynlie, but we have joined a moms group and there are some great moms! You have to pick the flowers from the weeds, you know?

Have you checked out meetup.com? That's where I found my local moms group. It's okay, but I know that with us living in a small town I'd have slim pickings for friends :)

Hey-just move down here to the coast! Problem solved :))

Hugs momma. Hoping today is MUCH better! Or I guess tomorrow since it's getting late right now :)


Carly said...

I love baking too! hope that made you feel better. I'm new at this mom thing, so I don't have any great ideas.

Krystyn said...

I totally get it. Being a working mom is hard, too, because everybody does stuff during the day, when they are are..and working, well, you aren't home. So you miss the opportunities, and then those moms get together on the weekends and they get their little cliques.

I'm with amanda...it's just as hard if not harder than junior high/high school.