Thursday, April 5, 2012

Finding the Sunshine . . .

 Dear Eli,

I knew that I needed to type what I am about to write out because I think about it every time you wake in the middle of morning.

I am lucky.

I get to spend that extra quality time with you.  For awhile, I must admit it was tough getting up with you.  I was sleep deprived, depressed and totally overwhelmed.  I woke in the morning with major bed head, dark circles and extremely puffy eyes.  I was on empty.

I felt so bad that I was feeling so negative when we tried so hard for you.  A year.

But, we made it to month 4 and it was like you and I began to really know each other.  I felt like the sunshine was back in my heart and my head.  You were getting it.  You were understanding and following a schedule that I tried so hard to get.  I kind of felt bad that I pushed and pushed to get this schedule and really it was making me crazy and at times, your big brother.  For that, I feel really bad.

You are growing so fast and you definitely know your mommy.

You fall asleep around 7 or 7:30 and you usually sleep tell around 4am.  Sometimes you wake up earlier and I can get you back to sleep with the white noise of your giraffe.  Other times you don't fall back to sleep, I now rejoice it because I know that these special moments we have together will not last forever.  I may be sleep deprived, but in 10 years are you going to want to snuggle on my chest?  Probably not.  You may snuggle.  But, I won't have that sweet baby smell of you.

So for now, I am going to be okay with you waking me in the middle of the morning.  Because one day soon you won't.  I won't have your warmth snuggled up against me, hearing you breathe that close to me,  and feeling our hearts beat together.

I am glad that I have finally found my sunshine and I can appreciate the wonderful gift that is you.

I love you more than air, my sweet baby boy Eli.


4 comments:

Christy said...

It is always something, isn't it? Up until Guppy was 3 or 4 months old, he drove me bonkers with his excessive grunting at night. I couldn't wait for that phase to end, so that I could finally get some sleep. Then he started taking these tiny little 30 minute naps. Just went I thought I would go insane, he started taking one longer nap in the morning. Currently, I am trying to figure out how to get him out of my bed at night.

Good luck mama. Raising kids is hard work. You are doing a great job!

Barbara said...

Those first four months for me were the hardest in the middle of the night. I was so grouchy all the time at both the baby and my husband since he got to continue sleeping. And now when he sleeps longer periods I almost kind of miss him. Almost. :)

amanda said...

it does go by so darn fast. i stopped nursing etta jane back in december and it feels like a lifetime ago. soak it up mama - soak it up!!

JDaniel4's Mom said...

Getting sleep helped me finally feel more together as a mom!