I knew that I needed to type what I am about to write out because I think about it every time you wake in the middle of morning.
I am lucky.
I get to spend that extra quality time with you. For awhile, I must admit it was tough getting up with you. I was sleep deprived, depressed and totally overwhelmed. I woke in the morning with major bed head, dark circles and extremely puffy eyes. I was on empty.
I felt so bad that I was feeling so negative when we tried so hard for you. A year.
But, we made it to month 4 and it was like you and I began to really know each other. I felt like the sunshine was back in my heart and my head. You were getting it. You were understanding and following a schedule that I tried so hard to get. I kind of felt bad that I pushed and pushed to get this schedule and really it was making me crazy and at times, your big brother. For that, I feel really bad.
You are growing so fast and you definitely know your mommy.
You fall asleep around 7 or 7:30 and you usually sleep tell around 4am. Sometimes you wake up earlier and I can get you back to sleep with the white noise of your giraffe. Other times you don't fall back to sleep, I now rejoice it because I know that these special moments we have together will not last forever. I may be sleep deprived, but in 10 years are you going to want to snuggle on my chest? Probably not. You may snuggle. But, I won't have that sweet baby smell of you.
So for now, I am going to be okay with you waking me in the middle of the morning. Because one day soon you won't. I won't have your warmth snuggled up against me, hearing you breathe that close to me, and feeling our hearts beat together.
I am glad that I have finally found my sunshine and I can appreciate the wonderful gift that is you.
I love you more than air, my sweet baby boy Eli.