Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Pour Your Heart Out . . .I Needed Help .


It's time to pour your heart out with Shell @ Things I Can't Say. If you have something you need to get off your chest, I recommend it!


Growing up I was an extremely athletic child.

I was on my swim team during the summers and started running track as soon as I hit junior high. I was the stick of my family because of this. I would eat like a horse and never have to think anything of it.


This continued as I went to college and was an avid runner throughout.


But once my mom passed away, I didn't have the drive to do anything. I had actually taken off of school for a little bit to take care of my mom when she was sick. My whole life was focused on her and helping her get better.


Once that didn't happen, I just morphed into a girl I did not know. Someone who did not treat her body with the respect that it deserved.


I was bulimic.


I would eat everything in sight and then go and throw it up. I remember one time specifically. My dad had gone to bed and he had just bought a store made chocolate cake. I ate a couple of slices of this cake and then I proceeded to eat all the frosting off of it. All the while tears are pouring down my face because I know this is wrong and I know my mom would be so disappointed in me.


This continued for a while. I even moved in with my sister thinking that I would get the comfort and support I needed to stop. Know one knew about this. I was just so ashamed to even tell anyone.


But then sunshine came into life, by the name of Lew. I knew I had to stop because I could not burden anyone with this problem. For a while I did.


One day when I thought Lew was sleeping I went into the shower and purged. I don't know what came over me. But he heard.


He opened up the curtain and I was holding my knees, sobbing. He told me that he had suspected something was wrong because I would eat like a bird around him.


We had only been dating for 4 months and I thought for sure, I had just ruined what I thought was something special. He told me he would support me, if I got help and told my family what was going on.


So I was forced to expose my secret that I had been keeping for a year. Once I told my sisters they were shocked and in disbelief that someone so active would do a 180 and harm herself like that.


But they understood. We were all dealing with the loss in a different way.


I got help. I realized my bulimia was the only thing that I could control at the time of my mom's death. Since I was not able to control her dying, I was slowly hurting myself for it.


I vowed that I would help others with this. Which is why I went into the fitness industry. I wanted to inspire others to take care of their bodies. If I came across someone really struggling I wanted them to know that I was there.


I was there to help. Because it's okay to need help.

21 comments:

The Mommyologist said...

Wow. I think it is wonderful that you posted this because it may help someone else out there struggling with the same thing. Eating disorders are so scary. I am so glad you realized that you needed help and got better!

Shell said...

You brought tears to my eyes! Very brave post- and how wonderful that you are now helping others!

Thanks for linking up!

Clare said...

what an amazing and beautiful post jenny! you are so strong, and i know you have touched so many people with sharing this!

Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

Jenny,

Thank you for sharing your story. Someone will see this and it will be their turning point.

Thanks also for commenting and following at www.singlemominthesouth.com.

Natalie said...

Thank you for sharing your story - what an amazing transformation you made and you should be so very proud of yourself!

We live in a Zoo! said...

It IS okay to need help, I think we all need to be reminded of that once in a while. Thank you for this post, I really hope it helps someone out there struggling with such a difficult thing ={

Lindsay said...

awwww super sweeet post! You are one strong woman to post this! You are so right it is okay to ask for help!

Heather said...

I am so glad you are now helping others.
What a scary thing to go through.

Quirky Momma said...

Thanks for sharing your story. It is beautiful how you have grown from your trials!

Christy said...

You are amazing. The world needs more people like you - always offering a helping hand.

Thanks for sharing.

Funky Mama Bird said...

Wow. Thank you for writing this. As someone with an eating disorder myself, I know how isolating it can be!

So good to hear that you got the support you needed.

Hagler Happenings said...

Found you throug BlogFrog. You have such a cute blog!! I'm your newest follower. I've added you to my bolg, and if you have a button I'll add that too :)

Liz said...

What an honest, raw post, Jenny. A so good of you to do. I think it's so needed for people to be open and honest about stuff like this.

I'm sorry you went through that, but thank goodness for Lew. I'm glad you are better now.

The Activity Mom said...

Wow what a powerful post!

Beth said...

Wonderful post! And kudos to you for stepping up and saying that you've survived this and you want to help others do likewise.

Lori said...

Gosh, what a story you have and how incredibly good you are to share something so personal so you can help others.

We all have our own way of dealing with the things life hands us. I'm so glad that you had a special person there to help you through that most difficult time.

Stephanie said...

Wow -- this is the most heartfelt post I have read in a long time. You are so brave to share your story and I know it will be of help to someone out that there needs it. I am so glad that you are better now and that you are able to share your story in hopes of making a difference in someone else's life. That's one of the things that makes this whole blogging thing so powerful, isn't it? :)

Tylaine said...

Great Post Jenny! Thanks for sharing your story and being such a brave and courageous woman to help others!

Michele said...

I'm a new follower from Blog Frog. I commend you for being brave enough to share your story. I think a lot of people stay silent, even if they've recovered from something like bulimia. A good friend of mine in high school was anorexic. She's not anymore but she won't talk about it. But as you're proving, talking about it can help you but also help others.

purseblogger said...

You are amazing. So glad you got the help you needed. You are a true example. xoxo

Krystyn said...

How awesome of you to vow to help others. And how brave of you to post this. I can't imagine going through the illness of my mother, and then her death...so glad you got help and had so much support.