Thursday, March 4, 2010

My Worry...

When I found out I was pregnant with my Bubsy, I was completely and utterly over joyed. I needed him.

But my worrying kicked into over drive. The very night I took the pregnancy test, I stopped sleeping on my stomach for fear that I would crush my little bean. Crazy I know.

At about 12 weeks, I had some spotting and totally wigged out with worry and called my doctor immediately! To make me feel better we were able to listen to my Bubsy's heart beat. Dr. H said it was super strong and had even predicted Will was going to be a girl. HA! He said sometimes woman have spotting the first few months or if you the deed, it can cause spotting. I told Lew about that and he had a bit of a worry moment too. That didn't last long.

I worried about what I ate. I worried I was teaching too many kickboxing classes and that some how I would hurt Bubsy. I worried about driving to see my sister in Va. I was a constant worrier(if that's even a word).

Then when we got closer to delivery day, I became worried that somehow Will would get stuck in me and they would have to vacuum him out. Or push for 5 hours!

Worrying got the best of me and it still does. When Will was born I was constantly checking to make sure he was breathing. I know everyone does that. But I would have major OCD about it. I would check and re-check, over a dozen times.

When he got acid reflux I felt horrible. He was so unhappy and being a new mom, I had no idea why he was so cranky. Once he got medicine for it, I felt like I should have known.

When Will started to walk and then run down the side walk, I was so terrified and worried that he would smash his face into the pavement. Lew would say he is going to get a skinned knee every now and again Jenny, he's a boy. Lew even suggested we just stick him in a bubble, if that would make me feel better. Such a comedian that husband of mine. Love you!

Will bumped his head on the step and had a huge goose egg, I majorly freaked out and took him to after hours care thinking he had a concussion. He was okay.

Will snagged his foot on our last step and broke his foot. Lew thought I was crazy to take him to after hours care, a month after his head injury. He wasn't crying or anything. Lew that he was okay. 12 hours later, my Bubsy is in a cast. So you can just imagine the worry I felt on my shoulders. He's going to crawl everywhere, have to clean the floor over and over. What if he doesn't want to walk again when he gets it off? (Still working on that 2 weeks later)

Every night I tuck Bubsy in after he is asleep. I cover him up and arrange his blankets for him, so they don't end up over his face. Then I put my hand on his back to make sure he is breathing. Because he is my world and I would be totally lost without him.

Sometimes my worries take over and I feel like I am in my own little, dark worry world. But I guess where would I be if I didn't worry? It's good to worry, sometimes.

I hope my mom is proud of me from Heaven. Because she always said, I might worry a lot but I definitely love the hardest.


Krystyn said...

Oh, the worrying never ends, does it?

But, neither does the loving, which comes so much easier.

G-Zell said...

Awww this is so sweet. I have 4 kids and still do the same thing. What a beautiful post.

Anonymous said...

Great post Jenny! I think we all worry.. My grandmother was a huge worrier! So she told me not to worry she worried enough for me too! So when I get worked up and start worrying I remember her words :-P

Angie S said...

I worry like crazy too! It's the 'awesome mommy' in us!

Brandi said...

Girl, I am a worrier too. But... I also think sometimes it's a good thing because I seriously think of things that no one else does.

I do the same thing with the covers too. I also walk by and put my hand on his back at night to make sure he's breathing ok every time I get up to use the restroom. I know, he's over a year old, but it's just habit. ;)

I'm sure your mom is VERY proud of you. :)

Liz said...

Oh man. You got me crying! lol. I really like that last line about loving the hardest. Never thought of it that way, but that is totally it.

Love your blog!


Check out Frame It Friday! over at Loving This Mom Stuff!
I'd love to see some of your child's artwork!

Chelle said...

Oh, honey, I totally get it. The worrying. The fears of the unknown. I'm always worried...but I think that is what makes us such awesome mommies :)

Great post. xo