This Wednesday I am linking up with Shell @ Things I Can't Say to Pour My Heart Out. So if you need to get something off your chest or just have a little vent, go link up and let it all out.
What I am going to pour my heart about is something that is extremely close and very sensitive to me.
When I was 21 my mom died of Lung Cancer. It sucked. It rocked my comfy little world. I was sort of in a transition phase. I left school and everything I knew in Virginia to be with her and my dad in Connecticut. I am the baby of the family, and I considered myself to be the closest with my mom. My dad traveled for business very often and was not able to be around with treatments and appointments, so I was the primary. Which I did not mind. I loved my mom more than I loved myself at times. She was the best.
The months that she and I had together were months that I would never ever want to take back. I feel out of my siblings I am the lucky one. I got to spend a lot of one on one time that they were not able to do. She and I took walks on the beach. Went shopping. We went out to eat all the time and ate whatever we wanted. It was very freeing. This all happened a lot in the early stages of her diagnosis.
Because there were hospital stays and lots of chemo and radiation. Times where she and I just sat on the deck and looked out at the ocean not saying a word.
At one point my mom hit a road block and she really wanted to die. She could barely eat. At times barely breath. She just did not want to be like this. She asked my dad if she could be committed because she felt like she would take her own life if she did not talk to someone. So we did. She stayed for a weekend and it helped. She came out my mom again. She felt like this cancer was not going to be her death sentence.
We celebrated her 47 birthday with my middle sister and brother in law and the smile on her face was something I will remember forever. She is my angel.
She died on July 24, 2001.
Please if you know someone who has lung cancer or enter a conversation about it, don't let the first thing out of your mouth be, "did they smoke". It hurts. My mom did smoke for a long time when it was the "cool" thing to do. But she did quit. And it was a couple of months before she even got her diagnosis. Hearing someone ask that question before they even ask about the person, well that hurts too.